Things I Have Learned in the South

Things I Have Learned in the South

  • A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
  • There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.
  • There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no ones seen before.
  • If it grows, itll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
  • Onced and Twiced are words.
  • It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
  • Jaw-P? means Did yall go to the bathroom?
  • People actually grow and eat okra.
  • Fixinto is one word. It means Im fixing to do that.
  • There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there is supper.
  • Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar.
  • Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.
  • The word jeet is actually a phrase meaning Did you eat?
  • You dont have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
  • You dont PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
  • No, Jew? is a common response to the question, Did you bring any beer?
  • You measure distance in minutes.
  • You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.
  • All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
  • You carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car.
  • You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Tonys, Tabasco and ketchup.
  • The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports and motor sports, and gossip.
  • You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
  • You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit a bit warm.
  • You know what a hizzy fit is.
  • Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite pastime known as goin Wal-Martin' or off to Wally World.
  • You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chicken stew weather.
  • Fried catfish is the other white meat.
  • We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive dag-nabbit.
  • You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH.