Laws of the Universe

Laws of the Universe

  • Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
  • Law of the Workshop - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
  • Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
  • Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
  • Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
  • Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
  • Warm Water Theorem - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
  • Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
  • Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
  • The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
  • Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
  • Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
  • Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.