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Revenge is a dish that is best served with a cold hearted prank. Revenge is best described as: An old and honorable tradition that can help alleviate stress and restore balance to the universe. A good revenge idea takes planning and time to pull off. Anonymity and being there to see the revenge prank unfold is like the cherry on top.

My first example requires you to use a freshly created Hotmail address, and account on Craig’s List. For complete anonymity I suggest doing this at an internet kiosk or at least someplace with free internet, so you’re IP won’t be logged. Leave the ad text, with an address pointing towards your victims house. Here's the text;

"Free BLOW!!

Here's the thing, I'm trying to clean up my life, but I've got to get rid of all the drugs from my past. So last night, as I was trying to empty all my stuff into the garbage, my wife came out and started trying to rip it out of my hands. Needless to say, and argument ensued, and soon the neighbors were in on it too.

We all stood there, arguing over what to do with the dope I wanted to throw out, when suddenly, my neighbor tried to rip in out of my hands. Now, I've got a serious problem. The bag ripped and the white powder went EVERYWHERE. I mean, it's all over the lawn, the driveway, up and down the street. There's just a bunch of dope out there lying on the street. I'm terrified that the cops will come at any minute.

I mean, this stuff is thick, we're talking several inches thick just covering everything on the whole street.

So, Free dope, come one come all, bring your straws, your needles whatever, but PLEASE bring a shovel, you can have all of the powder from my driveway, my sidewalks, and even the grass if you promise to be gentle, but bring a TRUCK. There's a lot of this and I don't want any left behind.

First come, first served. Also, my neighbors have offered to let you have the powder on their property as well."

This is just an example; you can use your imagination for any other type of advertisement. You could advertise an  Estate Sale, everything else to just be carted away, and people will come and take your victims crap. For best effect the more believable it is the better, you’ll have more people call on it or stop by. I actually took an ad in the local paper after Christmas explaining how I was buying used Christmas trees. I later found out the phone for the victim wouldn’t stop ringing for weeks.

Check Cafe Press for some great bumper stickers. Add a sticker to show your victim's support Gay Sex or that they really Hate Cops.

Mix cat food in with Chex Mix and leave a bowl in the break room ...see how much is gone at the end of the day.

Write out an ad for "Home for rent" - put a cheap price on it, put the address on it and put a date/time for an "open house" for people to come and see the house they might be able to rent. Make sure the "open house" is in the evening when your victim will be home. Put signs everywhere, supermarkets, Laundromats, corner stores, libraries. Everywhere you happen to be, just keep some on your person for whatever community bulletin board you find. A nice cheap rent should attract a special class of people. Schedule several open houses over several weeks. He'll have people coming to see the place all the time.

Here's what I'd want when I die;

  1. Place all my usable organs for donation
  2. Secretly cremate what's left of me
  3. Scatter the ashes on brownie mix and bake it
  4. The brownies shall be served at my funeral. Closed casket, some random stuff to put some weight, the works
  5. The lawyer shall read my will, and add to the last bit: "and he will always be inside of all of us"

In you have a victim that is at all homophobic, get one of those subtle small "rainbow" stickers on the rear of his/her car. It’s likely your victim won’t notice it for a while. Those thin ones work best, they are almost impossible to remove. The could drive around for a week or two with everybody thinking they are gay. This won't be as effective on tolerant people.

"Once I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance. So I pushed her over."

This was suggested as a prank on the Consumerist. It was directed at Best Buy by a former disgruntled employee, but you could prank any carpeted store. Best Buy is a frequent subject on the Consumerist because of their poor customer service.

  1. Find a paper hole-punch tool
  2. Find some paper that you won't mind discarding
  3. Use the hole-punch and make lots of those little circles of joy! These damn things are so hard to get off a carpeted floor, even for a good vacuum with several passes
  4. Find a sneaky way to spread it all over the carpet
  5. Leave the store feeling vindicated!
  6. When you do it, do it shortly after opening, so it doesn't just get dumped onto the cleaning crew

P.S. I worked for Best Buy for almost 6 years, we experienced this every couple of months and it was a complete clusterf%ck. The vacuum's have a hard time getting these up on carpet and bare floor.
- Some Guy

There are plenty of stores with carpet for you to try this on if you don’t want to torture Best Buy. If you don’t want to punch little holes for hours, perhaps confetti from a party supply store would work.

A good party supply store should also carry small vials of stink fluid. Good stink fluid will have a sulfur smell like rotten eggs or a nasty fart. A few drops will have the store employees wishing they had called in sick that day. I used to live in an apartment with a jackass that made too damn much noise every morning. A few drops of stink juice on a cotton ball thrown in his car on a regular basis got him to start parking elsewhere, allowing me sleep.

If you really want to mess with somebody you could find your victims car, lock the doors and superglue nickels to the keyholes! I DO NOT condone causing physical damage to others' property. I did get to chat with a cop in Phoenix about that loud car that woke me up every morning (until I solved it). He said causing damage, even slight, will get you a ticket or arrested. But if you only annoy a person, like by letting the air out of their tires it was called Malicious Mischief, and nothing would be done.

I ended up tormenting the actual apartment complex in order to get out of the long-term lease.

Toilet paper got boring for us really quick in high school. We learned better stuff – bags of cheap forks stuck in the lawn by hand must be removed by hand.

Back in High School we once followed the newspaper truck from the point at which it left the newspaper building. We carefully watched from a distance as it dropped papers off for the local delivery kids. Once the truck was out of site, and as long as the neighborhood was dark we'd pull up and grab the stacks of newspapers. This all went down around 2:00am (I should be covered by the statute of limitations). By te time we were done following the truck and undelivering the stack of papers we had completly filled an old full-sized 70's body car with papers. We spent the next 1/2 hour spreading all of those papers on the lawn of some gal that had broken up with a buddy. There were thousands of papers covering the lawn. I think the father wanted the cops called, but the daughter (being brighter than all of us) gathered the papers and took them in. She made off with a significant amount of cash from te recycler.

I'd like to hear your ideas for great revenge pranks. Send them to Me. I would like to update this page at a later date with better pranks.