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Fun at Target

 Over the past few months my wife has asked that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target store.

Dear Jackie,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and are now forced to ban both of you from our store. The complaints against your husband are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

  1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
  2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
  3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
  4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away! This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
  5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
  6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
  7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
  8. August 18: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called...
  9. August 22: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
  10. August 27: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
  11. August 30: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
  12. September 1: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
  13. September 4: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
  14. September 7: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
  15. And last, but not least:

  16. September 8: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of our clerks passed out.

With the deepest empathy,

Yours truly,
Courtney Spradley, Customer Services

Phoenix, AZ

I wonder how difficult it would be to try some of these tasks in your hometown Target? If you have any other good ideas to try at Target, or any other major retailer, shoot me an E-mail!

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