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- If the show hasn't been DVR'd or the cable is unable to "pause" the show, you'll need to speak to us after the program has finished. Especially if it's Entourage.
- Yes, we aren't sure why we like Entourage either, but we do. We gave you Carrie and her whore-friends for years, let us have Vince and his boys.
- Phone conversations need to be kept to a maximum of one and a half minutes, especially if we will see you in the next two hours. Anything you can say to us can be said to our faces. Or just send us an e-mail. Especially if Entourage is on.
- You are forbidden from discussing our eating/drinking/dressing habits with our mothers.
- Like your orgasms, please fake excitement when we show you how to kill prostitutes in Grand Theft Auto.
- As long as it isn't shit on a stick, we don't care what's for dinner.
- We'd prefer not to know the details of you and your friends' menstrual cycles.
- If you want the bed made, why not do it yourself?
- We aren't too old for video games. We're the first generation that had video games, therefore we're pioneers when it comes to them. Expect us to play them well into our 80s.
- Just because we brag about the sound and/or potency of our farts doesn't mean you're welcome to do the same.
- All that talk about anal sex causing rectal cancer is total and complete bullshit.
- We are not to be bothered during Shark Week.
- Please, for the love of all that's good and holy in the world, don't even consider getting Kate Gosselin's haircut.
- When you hand out a nickname for our genitalia, it should not end in an "ie" or a "y". Also, it's best if the name references a force of nature like thunder or a hurricane.
- Even if you can drink us under the table, please don't. Especially in front of our friends.
- There's no need to point out that you're taller than us with heels on.
- Those naked photos of our ex-girlfriends? We only keep them around to remind us how great you are. No need to freak out and threaten decapitation.
- When you get that "monthly visitor" maybe it's time we revisit an oft forgotten practice. Namely, reinstating "blowjob week".
- We are to go to Las Vegas and Amsterdam alone.
- It's best if you only work with female trainers at the gym. We don't want to hear about Lars with the tank-top helping you do squats.
- When we're handling solo duties on the lead vocals of a Bon Jovi song in the car ... it's just that. A solo. There's no dueting in Jovi. Wait until we break out the Indigo Girls for your crack at lead vocals.
- Leaving us alone with your father for 18 holes is cruel, especially when we're sure he thinks we're a pussy.
- In fact, don't leave us alone with any of your family. This is most important if, for some reason, we're shooting skeet.
- Nothing makes you look fat. Nothing. Don't even ask.
- If your boyfriend writes a list of 25 new rules for the modern woman and publishes it on a pop culture blog - the rules apply to other women. Not you. You're perfect. And I'll make sure to pick up your dry-cleaning this afternoon.
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