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How to Drive in Phoenix

(lifted from the Best of Craig's List)

  1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: FEE-NICKS'. There are other names to learn such as Awatukee (Ah-wa-Too-Kee) which I prefer to pronounce (Ah-wa-Tuck-Kee) just to upset the overly proud types that reside there, much like I pronounce La Jolla (La-Joll-Ah). More of that will be included in the advanced course.
  2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning. Cold weather brings winter visitors (Snowbirds) and spring brings baseball fans all to further clog up the lanes.
  3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop 101, your speed is expected to at least match the highway number. Loop 101 north of the Loop 202 is considered one of the deadliest freeways in the United States.
  4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
  5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.
  6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.
  7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of Arizona. Freeways get closed on weekends, but you'll never see a single ADOT truck or worker.
  8. Detour barrels will be moved around for entertainment, during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving more exciting.
  9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.
  10. Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the 'I-10' are the same road. SR202 is the same road as The Red Mountain FWY. Dunlap and Olive are the same street too. Jefferson becomes Washington, but they are not the same street. SR 101 is also the Pima FWY except west of I-17, which is also The Black Canyon FWY, and The Veterans Memorial HWY. Lastly, Thunderbird Rd. becomes Cactus Rd. but, Cactus Rd. doesn't become Thunderbird Rd. because it dead ends at a mountain.
  11. Using blinkers is discouraged. Use of a blinker to indicate freeway lane changes to indicate your desires allows other drivers to block those lane changes. Blinkers also signal strange activity with some older folk who leave them on for the whole trips while others signal left and turn right. It is in your best interest to just never use them in Phoenix.
  12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off' accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
  13. Most passing should be performed in the far right lane.
  14. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands.
  15. An added hazard driving in Phoenix is the large number of "illegal aliens" driving in the city, if you are in an accident with one of these drivers, you will have no financial or legal recourse to recover damages, since they are not in the country legally they are not subject to US civil law.
  16. It's so hot cars just burst into flames, look out for Car-B-Ques!
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